Thursday, August 17, 2017

The Next Edition Of "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

Last night I was flipping through the TV channels and I came across an emerald ring that was on sale on the home shopping network, for the low, low price of $20,000. Since I didn't feel like jumping up to grab my credit card to buy the ugliest ring I had ever seen after I had gotten all comfortable on the couch, I finally edited this little beauty for you! Because if there is anything that I have enjoyed writing more than the "Things That Make You Ask Why" series, it's this series.

Really though, nothing says 'Murica, more than the examples of what you can buy in our stores. So without further ado, I ask you, "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"


Wait... what? I have so many questions here that I'm not even sure where to start.

So I guess I'll just start with, "why not shop online for recycled car parts that you can use the next time you attend a riot?"

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Deep Throating... Or Something Like It

I peered into the mirror, my face so close to it that I had to keep wiping the steam from my breath off of the glass so that it wouldn’t obstruct my view. With my mouth open wide and a flashlight perfectly aimed to shine down my throat, I could see that there was a swollen lump attached to the bottom of my tonsil. 

Photo Credit:

Super gross, I know, and the gross factor, combined with the pain it was causing, finally convinced me to go see my primary care doctor, who in turn looked a bit startled as she recommended that if it was still there in a week, that I should go see an ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) instead.

Fun times.

Well, a week passed, and after peering at it again in the mirror, I begrudgingly slid off my bathroom counter and made an appointment with a local ENT. The next few days were spent religiously gargling saltwater and ingesting massive amounts of natural antiviral and antibacterial concoctions — hoping that the disgusting whatever-it-was might disappear without medical intervention and all would be right in the world.

Unfortunately for me, that didn’t happen. But, when the morning of my appointment rolled around, I got a call that something had come up with one of the DV victims that I work with, and even though I really needed to get to the appointment, she needed me more.

I canceled the appointment and rescheduled it for the following week, and to my surprise, the day before that appointment rolled around, it simply vanished.

Photo Credit:

I thought about it, and knowing that the laws of irony assured that if I didn’t go to the appointment, the lump would come back (and not wanting to cancel on the doctor again), I decided to go to the appointment anyway.